More lame jokes:

Today in the markets, helium was up; feathers were down. Paper was stationary. Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline. Mining equipment hit rock bottom. The market for raisins dried up. Coca-Cola fizzled. Balloon prices were inflated. And Scott Tissue reached a new bottom.

Japanese banks have been hit almost as hard as American banks: The Origami Bank has folded, and we hear the Sumo Bank has gone belly up too. Bonsai Bank plans to cut some of its branches. Karaoke Bank is for sale and is going for a song. Meanwhile, staff at Karate Bank got the chop, and analysts report there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank, where workers fear they may get a raw deal.